No matter how much news we print, it never fills enough space.
In the world of gaming this week, many things have happened to Nintendo, probably making all of the poor people there almost go crazy. First, covering the briefs. (Or boxers?) And El Nino just won't quit messin' people up. And, there's a new sport around the corner...
This isn't a joke. El Niño has taken its toll on gaming society. TEN is blaming "The Child" on a server shutdown that occured about two weeks ago. PGL star Thresh had no comment, because nobody really cares. El Niño is also at fault for yet another delay to Yoshi's Story. Several of the carts, en route to stores all over the country, have been caught in storms caused by that freakish thing nobody really knows about.
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" 2028!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
1080 Snowboarding, the awesome new game by the guys behind Wave Race 64, is set for release on April 1. When reached for comment, members of the Canadian Olympic snowboarding team said, "I'm totally stoked," and "SNIFF!!"
Starcraft is being delayed and delayed again. The beta test began around January 20th, and has been going ever since. We should all just focus our attention to C&C II, because Blizzard's gonna melt unless they get this thing out soon.
Our top story tonight is the announcement of a full-color Game Boy, due out by the end of this year. The announcement, which was given Monday, states that this will be the size of the regular Game Boy Pocket, but will have a slightly larger screen, displaying 10 colors at a time at the very least out of 65530, or 16-bit color. It will also have an adapter to connect to the N64, which I guess would be used for games like Pocket Monsters.
John Romero, famous creator of Doom and Quake, now working for ION Storm, has said he will start a new game league to rival the PGL. This will be special because it takes place at LANfests instead of over the Internet, eliminating the problem of lag. Romero says he intends to make deathmatch a full-blown sport, by doing some serious marketing. And with all the pull he has in the games industry, not to mention his endless pockets, I think it will become a sport in no time. Wouldn't that be nice? You turn on to SportsCenter to see that Thresh has been traded from LA to Miami for Reptile, Deep Blue, and 2 third-round draft picks for 2007, which is only 21 years before WE ALL DIE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
And that's the way we all wish it was. Go home, fool.